Self-compassion is key to moving through periods of adversity, highlights the hugely successful author and management trainer, Tara Ward

Tara Ward has lived and worked in multiple countries. Her career path crosses different sectors. Perhaps that’s why her broad and compassionate outlook resonates so deeply with people around the globe.

“Born into an acting family, I began my stage career in Canada when I was only five years old,” Tara explains. “In my twenties I was commissioned to write books, and a decade or so on from there I moved into management training. I love what I do – the training enables me to travel and thus understand other cultures better, and the writing to explore and encourage others to lead more fulfilling lives.”

Resilience

Evolving attitudes means that Tara’s remit within management training has moved from working on leadership skills to building resilience, in part, she believes, because of the rippling effect of the pandemic.

“The work I do within the NHS particularly highlights the trauma that the pandemic left in its wake and touched every one of us to a greater or lesser extent,” she relays. “Today, I am increasingly asked to help working people in management positions develop resilience for themselves, and their wider teams.”

Tara’s own experience of the pandemic was one of loneliness.

“Recently bereaved, I found lockdown very tough as for the most part I was alone… and as I’m an extrovert who thrives in other people’s company, that was particularly painful,” she says. “As well as talking to my family who mostly live abroad, I spent many hours walking through London’s parks and found a deep connection with nature helped calm and soothe me through the days, weeks and months.

“Facing loss alone is tough, but my challenges enable me to understand how hard situations can be for other people and write from personal experience.”

 Self-compassion

When caring for others we often forget to care for ourselves.

“During the pandemic I reflected on the three years I had spent looking after my husband, who subsequently died of cancer,” Tara remembers. “I stopped exercising, put on weight and had permanent backache. The physical and mental deterioration I encountered through stress was gruelling. My tendency is to self-criticise, and the more critical I am, the less I accomplish.”

Realising she wasn’t coping, Tara commandeered the services of a therapist, who took her back to basics… and changed her life.

“My therapist built me up from the inside out,” reflects Tara. “I began to eat well, exercise and then sleep better.”

It took months to pick herself up again after the trauma she had been through, but self-compassion was key to Tara’s healing process. There are three threads to self-compassion, she outlines:

1)        Mindfulness. Be aware that you are experiencing difficult times and accept how you feel.

2)        Self-kindness. If you saw a friend suffering, you would be kind to them, so be kind to yourself in the same way.

3)        Connection with wider humanity. Realise that we all struggle at various points. Appreciating this connects us with other people.

Exercise

Tara’s physical stamina regrew alongside her mental strength, and she sees the two as being symbiotic.

“Don’t be a slave to good health, but do build it into your routine,” she advises. “Every morning I begin my day with gentle slow stretches. I am careful to maintain my step count, and make sure I do 10–15 minutes aerobic exercise, five times a week, usually via online exercise classes. Although I rarely want to start my aerobic exercises, I always feel better afterwards.

“Similarly, if I ever feel unhappy or depressed, a short walk makes the world of difference. There’s something about the momentum of walking forwards that moves our emotions out of stalemate and changes the narrative.

“Shift your mindset so that you give compassion to yourself and then you can be grateful for the things you do have. Resilience and self-sufficiency will grow, as will the strength of your relationships with others. In retrospect I can see the value of what I learned through the pandemic, but at the time it was hard.”

Interview first published March 2023

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The Happiness Year: How to Find Joy in Every Season by Tara Ward is published by Quadrille Publishing and is around £12.99 from bookshops.